I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
