Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize