You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
God I need to hump something, right now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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