Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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