My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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