BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
