I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize