Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
