I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
