So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
