I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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