He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
