I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
