Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
