At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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