watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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