he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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