Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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