dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
