Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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