ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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