dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
