"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
