i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
