Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
