dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
