i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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