omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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