During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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