Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
