Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
