i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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