Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
