Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Randomize