I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
