wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize