Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
