He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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