If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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