You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
