Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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