that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize