So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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