if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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