his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
