she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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