her vagine was all disorganized.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
