dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
