You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
