what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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