I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
