I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
