i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is wine microwaveable?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
