Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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