ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
