ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
