Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
