Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
