Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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