Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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