Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
