i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
