i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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