he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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