Whoa Z and x make the same sound
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
