6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
