Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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