Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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