he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
