Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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