The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
